If you've never ridden in or driven a Viper, it can't be described other than saying “Dayyyyum!” or “It's fast.” If you have driven it, no explanation is needed.
The Dodge Viper will cease production August 31. We're sad to see it go – we've had nine of them – but dwindling sales and competition sealed its fate and no amount of “No! Not the Viper!” will save it.
Long live the Viper, however. Here are our 5 best Viper tales.
1. Our first spinout
The year was 2002, we lived in Brooklyn, and we could hear our debut test Viper coming from five blocks away. The first thing we did was get in, drive away – and spin out, a complete 360. (It's a rite of passage, we hear.) Thankfully there was zero traffic, the car and its driver weren't harmed, and a direct lesson was discovered from the get-go – there is absurd power in its first gear, not to mention volume loud enough to trip all the car alarms off on your block.
2. The blasted rods in the tops of early convertibles - and dog poo
We decided to drive to Long Island to get some open-air time, and put down our convertible top. But early into the ride it began to rain. We didn't want to get the leather seats of our $70,000 tester wet, so we pulled over and attempted to put up the top. But early Viper tops had a series of rods similar to a Rubik's cube, and we weren't having much luck as the downpour continued. One of the rods finally slipped from our hands and landed in the nearby grass. We reached out a hand to grab it and put four of our fingers into an unseen pile of fresh dog poo – under the fingernails, too. Ever try to drive a Viper with one hand? Not possible. But somehow we got most of the mess off our hand and drove with one hand holding a paper towel on the steering wheel. And, yes, we got the top closed. Later models did away with the rods, thank Rod.
3. Frequent leg burns
The first Vipers had exhaust pipes running on either side of the car, under each lower door panel. These would heat up just like motorcycle pipes do after a short while, especially if you stepped on it, and who doesn't step on it when driving a Viper? Woe to you and your significant other in the passenger seat, though, if either one of you forgot to swing your leg and clear the panel when getting out of the car. It wasn't just a little sting – it was like a hot stove.
4. Silencing a long-winded buddy
I put a friend in the passenger seat for a ride, and this man began one of his semi-frequent soliloquies – stories that seemed to have no beginning, no middle and especially no end. I downshifted, filling the car with the deafening sound of acceleration accompanied by ears-pinned-back speed. This shut him up.
5. Rain, rain, rain on the Nashville race track
It was a huge event drawing Viper owners from all over the US to Tennessee, and we media were invited to drive the latest Vipers around a Nashville race track. On the day of the excursion, however, God decided to be funny and dumped around a billion gallons of water over Nashville morning, noon and night. We gamely donned our helmets and had at it anyway – and the fastest any of us went on the track was around 45 miles per hour. Yay. The next morning, when all of us flew back to our respective homes, the skies were a clear, brilliant blue.
Watch Pennzoil say goodbye to this iconic American sports car, below, in "The Last Viper."
