'Crank 2' is more of a comedy than action flick
When we last saw hitman Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) in the closing moments of the action-movie "Crank," he was plummeting from a helicopter and smashing into a city street at 100 miles per hour. For most people who aren't Wile E Coyote, this would be the end of the story. But not Chev.
As "Crank 2: High Voltage" opens, Chev is scraped off the street, thrown into a van and taken to a black-market surgical suite. While he is still conscious, his heart is removed and replaced with an artificial one.
To anyone else, these odds might seem insurmountable, but not to Chev. He jumps off the table, beats up about 30 guys and sets out on a quest to retrieve his heart. This brings him into conflict with warring Chinese and Mexican gangsters, the police, various strippers and prostitutes, and a vengeful young man with full-body Tourette's Syndrome.
And if that doesn't sound ridiculous enough, Chev has to make sure his artificial ticker doesn't run out of juice. So he's constantly hooking up his nipples to car batteries, inciting the police to Taser him and stealing shock collars from dogs.
In the film's most self-effacingly funny moment, a news reporter arches an eyebrow and describes the day's events as "implausible."
That "Crank 2" seems to know just how audacious and ridiculous it is, is one of its greatest strengths. It is so profoundly silly that it is more a comedy than an action movie. Yes, it is chock full of chases, fist fights and gun battles, but those take a back seat to toilet humor and off-color jokes about race, sexual preference and gender. In a day and age when most films are painfully politically correct, "Crank 2" revels in its excess.
And for this, I salute it.
On the other hand, to call the movie immature would be like calling Hurricane Katrina a bit of bad weather. This movie is so juvenile that I would be willing to wager American dollars that it was actually written and directed by Beavis and Butt-Head. If I didn't know any better (and I don't), I would say this movie was made by two very talented yet emotionally stunted 15-year-old boys who had yet to kiss a girl.
"Crank 2" is one of the hardest movies to review I've ever seen. On the one hand, it is bursting with energy, creativity and technical skill. It is as exciting a movie as it is funny. On the other hand, it is unremittingly juvenile, profane and offensive. Certain people will absolutely love this movie and find it to be one of their favorite films of the year. Other viewers, however, will hate the movie passionately.
How will you feel about it? Take this simple quiz to find your answer:
1. Are you obsessed with butts?
2. Do you find it hilarious when guys get hit in the crotch?
3. Do you view women as objects who deserved to be humiliated, used and either discarded or simply killed?
If you answered "yes" to any of these questions, "Crank 2" will entertain you either a little or a lot. If you answered a vehement "no" to all of these questions, you will not enjoy this movie.
In the last few years, Statham has become one of the top action-movie stars in the business. He averages about three movies per year, and usually at least one of them is pretty good. He's suave, rugged and good at bouncing around like a kung-fu pinball. But the reason I like him is his hair: As a bald guy, I'm all for bald sex symbols and action heroes.
Statham's career is still young, but he's got a lot of notable ups and downs on his resume. Let's look at the most notable.
BEST OF STATHAM
5. "Transporter 3": The best of the three and no doubt not the final installment of Statham's most successful film series.
4. "The Italian Job": Statham is part of an ensemble cast in this slick crime movie.
3. "Ghosts of Mars": Without question, this is the best sci-fi/horror/action/Western movie ever made. That it is the only sci-fi/horror/action/Western movie ever made is beside the point.
2. "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels": Statham's first film is a funny, exciting crime/caper movie from fledging director Guy Ritchie, who reteamed with Statham two years later for ...
1. "Snatch": One of my favorite films of the last decade, "Snatch" is easily Statham's best film to date.
WORST OF STATHAM
3. "The One": The title is abbreviated from the original title, which is "The One That Isn't Worth Watching."
2. "Transporter 2": Stunning in its awfulness and the one to be avoided even by the most ardent Statham fans.
1. "In the Name of the King": Statham is not made for medieval-style films. Then again, no one could have saved this horrible, bloated, rotten carcass of a movie.
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"Crank 2: High Voltage" – Rent it "Ghosts of Mars" – Rent it "Snatch" – Buy it "In the Name of the King" – Skip it