The Best Krusty the Clown Quotes

Updated June 15, 2019 30 items

Ranked By

361 votes

91 voters

Krusty the Clown was originally going to be Homer in disguise, but the character worked so well on his own that they the writers decided to keep him. Thanks to his time in front of the camera, he's had some memorable quotes over the years on The Simpsons.

From classic lines showcasing his upper-class standing around others like "My house is dirty. Buy me a clean one. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator" to his opening catchphrase, "Hey, hey, kids," let's take a look at the greatest Krusty quotes in Simpsons history. Which of Krusty's quotes from the episodes featuring the worlds best worst clown do you think is the most memorable?

Whatever your favorite Krusty quotes are, vote them up on the list below so they will climb closer to the top.

Photo: 20th Television
1
17 VOTES
Two Rules
Krusty: There are only two rules in TV: don't swear, and don't whip it out. It's not rocket science!

17 votes
Photo: 20th Television
2
7 VOTES
Got A Tack In My Head
(Krusty, hungover, thinks the poster is a mirror)
Bart: Uhh, Krusty.
Krusty: Hang on, kid. I got a tack in my head.
Bart: That's one of your posters.

7 votes
Photo: 20th Television
3
16 VOTES
Love Is There
Krusty: Listen, kid, I'm not the kind of dad who, you know, does things, or says stuff or looks at ya. But the love is there!

16 votes
Photo: 20th Television
4
21 VOTES
Gave Me A Kidney
Krusty: Homer gave me a kidney, it wasn't his, I didn't need it and it came postage due, but still a lovely gesture.

21 votes
Photo: 20th Television
5
19 VOTES
Personally Spit
Krusty: I will personally spit into every fiftieth burger!

19 votes
Photo: 20th Television
6
25 VOTES
Sex Cauldron
Krusty: Sex Cauldron! I thought they closed that place down years ago!

25 votes
Photo: 20th Television
7
12 VOTES
Meat-Like Burger
Krusty: Look, I give people a meat-like burger. and some kind of cola. And they still get their change back from their fifty.

12 votes
Photo: 20th Television
8
21 VOTES
No 12 Off My *ss
Krusty: Look at this list of words they won't let me say on air.
Bart: Oh all the good ones. I've never heard number 9.
Krusty: It's doing 13 while she's elevening your 5.
Bart: Can I keep this?
Krusty: Sure, no twelve off my *ss.

21 votes
Photo: 20th Television
9
17 VOTES
Buy Me A Clean One
Krusty: My house is dirty. Buy me a clean one. Hire Kenny G to play for me in the elevator.

17 votes
Photo: 20th Television
10
14 VOTES
Just Found Out
Krusty: Now, why do they call this a urine monkey....Oh. I just found out.

14 votes

Photo: 20th Television
11
14 VOTES
The Juice
Krusty: Aaagh! I almost swallowed some of the juice! (during the filming of the KrustyBurger commercial)

14 votes
Photo: 20th Television
12
15 VOTES
New Side Kick
Krusty: Yeah, great. Now I need a new sidekick. Get me a lemur, or a marmot. Or Tom Green. He's not doing anything these days.

15 votes
Photo: 20th Television
13
12 VOTES
35 Years
Krusty: After 35 years of show business people already forget who you are...just like what's his name...you know, the guy...he always wore the shirt?

12 votes
Photo: 20th Television
14
9 VOTES
Tijuana
Krusty: We're going to the greatest place on earth...Tijuana!

9 votes
Photo: 20th Television
15
6 VOTES
I'm Married
Krusty: The arctic circle, or as I call it, my wife's side of the bed. For the purposes of that joke I'm married.

6 votes
Photo: 20th Television
16
11 VOTES
Globetrotters Used A Ladder
Krusty: I thought they were due! The game was fixed! The Globetrotters used a ladder for Pete's sake! C'mon! He's just holding out the ball, take it!

11 votes
Photo: 20th Television
17
8 VOTES
Four Hours Late
Krusty: A great man once observed: "90% of success is showing up on time." Sorry I'm four hours late...

8 votes
Photo: 20th Television
18
5 VOTES
It's Green
Krusty: You were in The Blue Lagoon, and I'm a blue haired goon... what the? That's terrible! My hair's not even blue, it's green.

5 votes
Photo: 20th Television
19
5 VOTES
Thank God
Krusty: You know, I'd like to thank god for all of my success. Even though I never worshipped or believed in him in any way.

5 votes
Photo: 20th Television
20
12 VOTES
Space On My Butt
Krusty: I think there's some space on my butt.

12 votes

Photo: 20th Television
21
8 VOTES
Man Named Enus
Krusty: I used to do a lot of tumbling in my act but I'm phasing it out for more dirty limericks. There once was a man named Enus...

8 votes
Photo: 20th Television
22
8 VOTES
Bargaining Agreements
Krusty: In the meantime, we'll be running..."Klassic Krusty."
Klassic Krusty: Good evening. Tonight our guest is ALF-CIO Chairman, George Meany, who will be discussing collective bargaining agreements.

8 votes
Photo: 20th Television
23
11 VOTES
Magillah
Krusty: We've got wallet making, archery, the whole megillah!

11 votes
Photo: 20th Television
24
3 VOTES
Steal That Bit
Krusty: I lost to channel Ocho?! What the hell is that?
Bumblebee Man: AY! OH, QUELASTIMA.
Krusty: (laughing) I gotta steal that bit.

3 votes
Photo: 20th Television
25
4 VOTES
Free Burgers
Krusty: Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?

4 votes
Photo: 20th Television
26
4 VOTES
Is It A Crime
Krusty: Is it a crime to be illiterate?

4 votes
Photo: 20th Television
27
6 VOTES
Read The Papers
Krusty: I've been doing this show for so long that when I started, the Ayatollah only had a goatee....what's the matter, don't you people read the papers?

6 votes
Photo: 20th Television
28
2 VOTES
Sore Spot
Krusty: I don't wanna hit a sore spot, but can we talk about herpes.

2 votes
Photo: 20th Television
29
3 VOTES
Look At Your Hero
Krusty: Finally, I'd like to announce that starting Monday, this show will be broadcast in HD. Here's how I'll look. (very detailed and disgusting Krusty) Heh? That's right! Look at your hero!

3 votes
Photo: 20th Television
30
2 VOTES
Money Melon
Moe: Oh, we're gonna die, I never tasted cantaloupe!
Krusty: Eh, you didn't miss much. Honeydew is the money melon.

2 votes